


Complications

by StarTravel



Series: Defiance Through Tenderness [19]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, Non-Explicit Sex, POV Elim Garak, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 07:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17341544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: Garak doesn’t have regrets, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to plan for the future Cardassia needs or consider who that doesn’t include. Julian is proving to be something of a distraction, however.





	Complications

Ahhh Garak wakes up with a sense of contentment that immediately puts him on edge. Happiness and safety are dangerous illusions, and Garak knows neither of them are for him, no matter how nice Julian feels in his arms right now. Garak brushes a hand across his hair and pushes a few strands out of his eyes. Julian lets out a low groan and nuzzles his face deeper into Garak’s shoulder. Garak shuts his eyes and takes a few deep breaths, loosening his grip on Julian bit by bit until he can safely roll him over and out of his grasp.

 Garak turns around to face the blank white wall, which holds as much condemnation as he should feel for himself. He’s given in to his own weakness, his own _want_ , to the way Julian’s smile is just a little too wide, hands gripping his shoulders with a sweet desperation and his gaze affectionate in a way Garak’s sure he doesn’t deserve. Garak doesn’t regret last night, and he certainly doesn’t regret the feeling of Julian’s body pressed against his or Julian’s mouth. But he knows it’s a complication he can’t afford. Not now.

 Garak needs to save Cardassia and then he needs to serve it. Julian, soft and naive, has no place there. Garak has cared for people before Julian, if never as openly. Feelings could only ever be silent in the Obsidian Order. He’s sure that he can find someone to care for on Cardassia, or at least someone he can build a life with, who can help him accomplish his goals without their _ideals_ getting in the way.

 And Julian can go back to Starfleet and fall in love with someone less complicated than him, less violent. Someone who doesn’t make Julian love himself less. They won’t be as honest with him as Garak but - honesty has never been what either of them wants.

 All Garak has to do is let a calculated distance build between them, slowly pull away so Julian thinks their time on Risa was a mistake. Then he can push Julian into the arms of some pretty human or trill and lets nature take its course. He can plan out every detail.

 It becomes harder to plan when warm, chapped lips start dragging on the edge of his neck ridges, a tongue sliding out curiously every so often. Garak lets out a sigh that could be annoyance or lust as Julian lazily wraps his arms around his back. Garak tries to keep his voice neutral even as Julian starts kissing a particularly sensitive scale. “My dear, what do you think you’re doing?”

 “I wanted to show you how talented I am with my tongue.” Julian murmurs into his ear as he slides his mouth up the side of Garak’s left cheek, his hands digging into the firm muscles and scales of his abdomen. They don’t have the sensitivity of the nubs on Julian’s chest, but Garak lets out a low groan at the feel of those skilled hands sliding across his skin nonetheless. Julian’s hands graze lower, toward his waist and Garak reminds himself that this will be a mistake.

 Garak twists around as much as he can without knocking Julian off the bed, smirking brightly when he meets the other man’s slightly wounded gaze. “I seem to remember you spending a great deal of time on that last night.”

 “Then consider this a refresher.” Julian whispers as he bites the shell of his ear, tongue darting out as his mouth drops down back to the scales. Apparently Garak turning so they’re side to side isn’t his best plan, because Julian doesn’t take the hint and instead simply starts mouthing new scales along his upper chest. Garak considers pulling his head back. Garak finds himself digging his fingers into his hair instead, reclining backwards on the silk sheets.

 Garak takes a few deep breaths that come out closer to gasps than he’d like, his hands pulling roughly at Julian’s hair. He expects the other man to at least get mad at that - he isn’t Cardassian and his pain threshold is lower - but instead Julian lets out a needy whine deep in his throat. Garak swallows a groan of frustration and lust as he tries to remind himself of what’s right rather than what’s best. “We need to pack.”

 “We don’t leave for 3 hours, 57 minutes, and 21 seconds. We have plenty of time to try all kinds of things before we pack.” Julian murmurs as he pulls away from his skin, tilting his head to the right and looking over at Garak with hooded eyes. Garak lets out a low snort in spite of himself. Leave it to him to find a lover who can spot his lies with _math_.

 “I thought you wanted to spend this vacation on your research.” Garak reminds him, trying to keep his voice light and teasing even as he carefully shifts Julian off of his side to sit up more fully. Garak glances over at Julian’s pile of padds by his bag pointedly, hoping Julian will take the hint this time or at least become so caught up in his latest idea that he forgets what he’s caught up in right now.

 Julian grins devilishly, the skin around the corner of his eyes crinkling. His gaze fills with affectionate mirth as he presses one hand carefully on Garak’s right thigh. Oh. He thinks this is part of their game now. “Well, I have been very negligent about my research into Cardassian physiology.”

 Garak again thinks it would have been better if he’d bedded Julian years ago, back when he found that smile obnoxious and smug instead of charming. He’s let this go too far to just stop it cold.

 Garak lays his own hand over Julian’s on his thigh and  he brings the other up to press against the place where Julian’s shoulder meets his neck, rubbing tiny patterns along the edge. Garak smiles widely, voice dropping as he leans in to press their bodies together. “And when you had such willing specimens right in front of you.  Doctor, I’m appalled.”

 “Let me make it up to you?” Julian’s voice is bright and teasing as he runs his hands up Garak’s thigh, the other coming up to rest at the same place on his other leg. Julian leans in and licks his lip, eyes glowing as he moves his hands up another few inches.

 “Why Julian, how could I refuse when you ask so nicely?” Garak’s voice comes out a touch more breathless than he’d like as Julian starts to kiss the side of his neck again, eyelashes brushing against his scales. Garak closes his eyes and finds his way down Julian’s shirt, trying to remind himself that this cannot last past the Defiant no matter how lovely Julian is.


End file.
